In today’s world, where airbrushed images and unrealistic beauty standards are pervasive, raising body-confident girls is a critical challenge for parents. As a mom, you have the unique opportunity to be a guiding force in your daughter’s journey to self-acceptance.
In this article, we lay out some practical steps to help combat negative self-talk and societal pressures while fostering a positive and healthy body image.
The research doesn't lie...body image continues to be a problem for our girls. It isn't a new concept but it is sometimes really hard for us, as moms, to figure out how to help our daughters.
Recently, I had a wonderful chat on my podcast with Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein about JUST THIS TOPIC! She wrote a book called Sexism & Sensibility that made me think about how our culture curates our ideas as girls and women. I realized that there is so much we probably don't talk about or do in this area, even when we think we do. In order to help, there are 5 things to consider trying to incorporate with your daughter:
1. Model Body Positivity and Normalize Changes
2. Teach Media Literacy and Question Social Standards
3. Focus on Health, Not Appearance
4. Encourage Open Conversations and Combat Negative Self-Talk
5. Celebrate Diversity and Seek Support if Needed
Model Body Positivity and Normalize Changes
Your actions and words set the tone for how your daughter views her body. The Dove Self Esteem project reported that their research noted that 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat. According to a study by Common Sense Media, 80% of 10-year-old girls have been on a diet, highlighting the urgency of fostering body positivity at a young age. Girls are influenced by everything around them but WE are one of the most influential pieces in their lives. We have the opportunity to offset and redirect the negative messages they get every day.
We can start by trying to actively avoid making negative comments about your own appearance or weight, and instead, celebrate your body for its strength, health, and abilities. By modeling self-acceptance, you can show your daughter that confidence isn’t tied to physical appearance. Additionally, when we normalize the physical changes that come with puberty, it releases the pressure valve for her. Help her understand that every person’s journey is unique, and changes like weight gain or body shape evolution are part of a healthy, growing body. Ask her what she is happy that her body can do NOW that maybe she wasn't able to do when she was younger!
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Replace negative self-talk with positive reframing. For example, instead of saying, “I need to lose weight,” try, “I’m working on getting stronger to allow me to feel like I can do that hike we were talking about a little easier.”
Teach Media Literacy and Question Social Standards
Even though social media and technology can immerse your daughter in images that can hurt her self-esteem there are ways to help her safeguard it! Help your daughter develop a critical eye when consuming media by discussing how images are edited, curated, or staged to portray unrealistic beauty standards. Ask her questions while watching shows that perpetuate these themes and open discussion in real time when you se things happen while you are together. Encourage her to question societal norms and empower her to define beauty on her own terms. It can be as easy as showing her a social media post that you think is questionable and asking her what her thoughts are about it. Teach her how to look for signs of photo editing, filters, or unrealistic portrayals of beauty. Find ways to educate her on HOW the influencers she follows curate their image and posts (HINT: They usually have a TEAM of people helping them). For more tips and discussion prompts head over to the podcast links page for my interview with Dr. Finkelstein here!
Focus on Health, Not Appearance
Shift the conversation from how bodies look to what they can do. Encourage healthy habits like balanced eating, regular physical activity, and adequate sleep as ways to feel energized, strong, and happy. By focusing on health and well-being, you’re teaching your daughter that the value of her body goes far beyond appearance. At the same time, highlight her talents, achievements, and character traits to help build her self-esteem in areas beyond physical appearance. Compliment her creativity, kindness, intelligence, and perseverance to give her a well-rounded sense of worth. For example, “I’m so proud of how you helped your friend today. That’s what makes you truly beautiful.”
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Plan family activities or "Date Days" with your daughter that promote health in a fun way, like cooking nutritious meals together, taking a dance class, or hiking.
Encourage Open Conversations and Combat Negative Self-Talk
One of the best ways to help her is to just create a safe space for your daughter to express her feelings about her body and appearance. Validate her emotions, even when they’re difficult, and steer her toward a healthier perspective whenever possible. When she expresses negative self-talk, help her recognize and reframe it by focusing on her body’s strengths and capabilities. Share affirmations, by modeling how to use them such as, “My body is strong and helps me accomplish amazing things,” or “I am more than how I look.” You can leave these as little notes in her lunch, reminders with dry erase on her mirror, or even just a short text. You are the best model for her so remember to also use these moments to model how you challenge your own inner critic as well.
Celebrate Diversity and Seek Support if Needed
Studies have shown that early intervention can reduce the risk of developing eating disorders by up to 60%. Especially, when these women are diverse - it signals to her that there is not ONE IDEAL IMAGE of a woman! When we expose our daughters to diverse representations of beauty in books, movies, and social media, we show her role models who embrace uniqueness and defy societal beauty standards. Representation matters, and seeing a variety of body types and appearances celebrated can reinforce the message that beauty comes in many forms.
LASTLY: If her struggles with body image become overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide tools and support tailored to her needs, helping her build a positive relationship with her body.
Raising body-confident girls requires patience, intention, and consistent effort. It ISN'T easy!!! But, by modeling self-love, fostering open dialogue, and equipping your daughter with the tools to challenge societal pressures, you’re setting her up for a lifetime of confidence and resilience. Together, you can help her embrace her unique self and stand tall in a world that often tries to tell her otherwise. If you are looking for additional resources make sure to listen to Episode 6 and 7 of the Growing Together Podcast and check out all the resources on the Nurturing girls Website!
Keep Going... you are a great mom,
💕 Dr. Kim