Raising Confident Teen Daughters

From the time my daughters were born, I have been working to instill confidence and a sense of positive self-esteem in them, and for the most part, it seemed to be working...until they hit adolescence.  When they were little they would parrot the confidence mantras such as "I am strong and smart" and "I can do it,e even if it's hard".  I would watch them use these to encourage themselves in times of self doubt and I thought we were good to go. 

But around the age of 11 or 12 I started to see a shift...they start to reject these self confidence sayings that they once embraced, replacing them with things like "I hate my hair", "I wish my feet weren't so big", or "I'm so bad at math"..sometimes even worse.  Even though they still had those little girl's mantras in their head, they were too easily drowned out by the self doubt and comparison that creeps in around puberty.  

Research shows that strong confidence leads to a more happy and fulfilling life.  Yet, adolescence can be a time of self-doubt, comparison, and uncertainty, compromising her confidence. Girls are especially susceptible to self doubt and comparison for a number of reasons including biological changes, societal expectations, and changes in relationships with friends and peers.  When self-doubt and comparison become front and center, they can easily start to eat away at a girl's self-confidence. Here’s how this process unfolds:

1. Constant Negative Self-Talk: Frequent comparison to others can lead to a pattern of negative self-talk, where girls criticize themselves for not measuring up. This starts to chip away at their belief in their abilities and worth.
2. Fear of Taking Risks: Self-doubt can make girls afraid to step out of their comfort zones. They may avoid challenges or new opportunities for fear of failure, which then reinforces their thoughts that they’re not capable.
3. Dependence on External Validation: Instead of developing intrinsic self-worth, girls may rely on external validation—likes on social media, praise from friends, or approval from authority figures. This dependence cause confidence to be fragile.
4. Body Image Issues: Comparison to unrealistic beauty standards can lead to dissatisfaction with their appearance, which is strongly linked to low self-esteem in adolescent girls. Access to social media can reinforce these making them unrealistic goals.
5. Difficulty Building Resilience: Without confidence, girls may struggle to bounce back from setbacks or criticism, viewing challenges as insurmountable rather than opportunities for growth.
6. Social Withdrawal: Low confidence may cause girls to withdraw from social activities or friendships out of fear of judgment or rejection, further isolating them and perpetuating the cycle of self-doubt.

I know it sounds bleak but...

Here are 12 tips to share with your tween or teen daughter that can help her grow confidence and resilience:

Building confidence takes time, but with your support and encouragement, your daughter can develop the skills and mindset to believe in herself. Confidence is a gift that will serve her for a lifetime, and it starts with small, intentional steps every day.

By teaching these 12 things, you’re empowering her to face life’s challenges with resilience, courage, and an unwavering belief in her worth!

And, as always, if you need support or help come join our village of moms online or find resources on the Nurturing Girls Website!